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259 days with No Dip

I was looking over some of my Blog entries and figured it might be a good idea to do another update to support what I have been through up to now.   Since my first day with No Dip, I have traveled to Europe and South Africa and spent New Years in New Orleans. I have lost a good friend and 20lbs. I gained the 20lbs back, but have stayed Dip free. There are days and even weeks that I think I have this behind me and don’t need to worry about it again. I then discover I am wrong as a fight a craving when something in life pop’s up and I feel like I need to deal with it or change my emotional state. It’s times like these that I remember that I am an addict. I have a permanent condition that requires that I log-in and commit myself every day to NOT DIP.   I am learning that every day I overcome this addition is a victory. Every day I live without tobacco, is I day that I win. By overcoming this addiction one day at a time, it slowly stops being a handicap and it transforms me into a better person, who is living a better life.   At 259 days, I am 300lbs. This is not the end. I will overcome my food addiction one day at a time. I will gain control of my weight and my physical condition. I will use my daily victory over tobacco to support my physical condition instead of abusing myself with food and other “escapes” that don’t benefit me. I will stop using my tobacco addiction as an excuse for other bad habits.   I will win this battle today. I will get up on day 260 and win the battle again….. I can win today because I have a great group – Q^2 Can Crushers (feb-2012) – who have supported me. I hope my words can support you to make it just one day. Just today, no more dip. Just make it today.

Colin27

Colin27

 

Time to nut the fuck up.

I am on day 85, a major accomplishment for me. But I am about to lose it all. Marriage is still in peril and my quit along with it. I quit for my wife, to show her that I do love her and want to make her happy. But too many times now it has almost gone bad. My thoughts have been "If I lose her, what's the point in quitting? I'm not strong enough to survive quitting and losing her." I have found a way. It's time to get mad, to get pissed, to let Captain Asshole take over. I have made 85 days, no way will I lose that now. So I am rededicating my quit to FarmChick34, Otto, kweb, and pdonohue01. They have been on my ass when I didn't post, so I will make it a point to not waste their time. I will see this through. I will draw strength from my friends, and give it when needed. I will be held accountable, and become dependable.

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

Day 1 - 3 - The range of emotions

First let me give my reasons for quitting. 1) I know everyone in life, every now and again, takes a look back at their life and wonders how things might have been different if certain things did or didn’t occur. Well recently, I took a look back at my life thus far and one of the things that really stuck out to me was my addiction to chew. I know you can't change the past and dwelling on it doesn't get you very far either, but I thought a lot about my life and all the 'what if's'. There will always be 'what if's' in life, but I really do not want to look back on my life 20 years from now and say "what if...what if...what if, I didn't chew". I'm fine with having regrets, because I know it’s apart of life. BUT the regret of chewing tobacco and letting it control the next 20 years of my life is one regret I am not ok with. 2) My second reason I want to quit my addiction is because I'm tired of all the excuses and lies - I tell so I can get my fix. I'm a complete closet chewer. I can list all the people on one hand that know I chew tobacco and none of them are family members! It's pretty pathetic to think about all the stupid lies/excuses just to isolate myself for a chew. Honestly, I'm pretty worried I'll end up living a lonely isolated life, if I continue to chew. Anyway, there are a few of the many reasons I have chosen to quit tobacco. A few of the interesting things I've thought about today: I still have lots of regret and a lot of anger towards myself as well. I know this will eventually wear off, but for now, I'm using it as motivation. Motivation to not go back down that deep dark path. Pretty sad that I let something take such control of my life. I like to keep things positive so I will end with some great thoughts. After all of these years of chewing, I guess, I forgot how much can be accomplished without 'having' to chew. In my 3 days of being dip free, I've accomplished more around my place (cleaned fish tank, re-organized, etc...) than I have in the year I've lived there. With the dip, all of those things to do became secondary to my fix and eventually put off for another time. Whereas now, it's all about getting it done and keeping busy. It is definitely a nice feeling and a proud moment for me. Looking forward to the long journey....One day at a time!

CraigMac6

CraigMac6

 

Nothing changes if nothing changes...

Hey everyone - I'm beat and I can't keep doing the same thing over and over.   I took my first dip when an older cousin thought it would be funny to watch his 5 year old kid cousin puke. Mission accomplished, but no lesson learned. By the time I was 8 I was dipping at least a can a day. At 10 my world really turned upside down. Tobacco was only part of the story - hell, tobacco didn't even seem to be an issue with everything else I had running.   5 1/2 years ago, for the second time in my life, I reached a point where it was live or die. I was too chicken $*it to kill myself and had no clue how to live - I was 35 years old and my life seemed to have no meaning. That was when I was led into the rooms of another support group. Today, I know I'm an addict. Yep - no doubt about that. Kicking the booze and dope sucked, but the ongoing process has been worth it. Now it's time for the next evolution and it's scaring the hell out of me. I've felt this before, I've lived this before - it isn't any easier.   I've dipped, chewed, smoked (cigs, pipe, cigars) - used the strongest tobacco that I could find - for over 32 years now. The chew is gone; the smokes are gone...but my beloved dip remains. It was the first, so I guess it's only fitting that it's the last. I almost feel like that 8 year old kid again - back to the beginning to try it again. In the past 32 years, I was tobacco free one time (for 6 months) and I caved in. Today, with the help of a program of recovery, I know that one is too many and a thousand is never enough. Tobacco included.   OK - the head knows I'm screwed, I just got a dandy new partial after 13 tooth extractions, and my gums have receeded to the point that I have at least 6 more extractions in my future. This is the same insanity that drove me to the point of suicide - just packaged in a metal topped tin, instead of a glass jug or pill bottle. I couldn't quit the dope on my own, I can't quit the tobacco on my own...I've proven that to myself. I don't love tobacco, I've grown to hate it - it's using against my will all over again.   On 06 August I turn 41 years old. A birthday seems like a good day to get my life back from this crap. I don't know how active this site is, but I hope that someone reads this and responds...I'm going to need the help. Thanks for letting me vent. C-

Callahan2211

Callahan2211

 

Almost the end of everything as I knew it.

These past couple of weeks have been touch and go for me. I didn't want to come out and openly say it at roll calls, but I was about to lose my reasons for quitting along with a 10 year marriage. Those past weeks have been a fucking nightmare!!! But this past weekend did show promise of us getting through our issues and me keeping my quit intact. Last week was the absolute worst of it all. I was to the point of wanting to smoke. I hate smoking and everything about it! The only things that kept me staight were will power and dumb luck. Alot of it was dumb luck, lol. The times when I was ready to cave, either I was in the middle of nowhere or that person was out. But I've survived and can still claim nicotine free. If you start having issues in your marriage, get them resolved quickly! Quitting will be nearly impossible when you're having a war at home everyday and no peace of mind in sight.

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

32 Years in the making......

It's Day 2 and I'm blown away by how crummy I feel and how I got here. Let's just say that I have no "happy place" right now. It would seem that 32 years ago, when I was working shoveling horse pooh at a local barn, that little pitch of "hey try this kid," wouldn't still be haunting me. I was only 11, but it was the cool thing to do down at the stables. Then I decided to buy some off the other kids hanging around the stable. Apple brick it was. Pretty lousy stuff, but man did I look cool. I started buying it at Revco with my pooh shoveling cash. They and UST were very happy with my money. Hawken was next, then Skoal, and then I became the coolest kid when I switched over to Cope while at church camp (kinda funny). Man what a great buzz Cope delivered. The hooks were so deep now, but I didn't care because I didn't know that I was truly hooked!   Well now I care and have cared over and over, but I've committed to myself this time vs others. I committed that this stupid little can will not dictate me anymore. I will stop at any corner store now (not just the one that always has the best date), I will not apologize to my two sons for "eating dirt" as we call it, I will not freak out if I finish my can before I go to sleep, I will not carry empty cans through security check-in so I can be secretive when I dip on the plane, I will not care if I have that window seat which helps hide it, I will not have to sneak away at my in-laws house, I will not have to do all if this and other stupid behaviors ever again.......   I will not give up! The tobacco companies owe all of us an apology and some big fat checks. 365 days x 32 years x 1.5 cans per day average x $5ish average over the years = about $90,000 without adding interest, add on the dental work, commanded behavior, health risks, and how hacked off this makes me. These guys knew that hooking us as kids was a win for them and a huge loss for us. I'm really mad at them and at me for not being tough enough to beat that nicotine knife.   The only good thing right now is that I feel better about myself and know my boys can tell how bad this stuff is. I doubt they will ever try nicotine and I pray they don't.   Man a dip would be great right about now........ It ain't gonna happen though!

winning

winning

 

Long road to glory

I have made it to day 47. I don't think I have ever been quit this long. But it hasn't been without perils and tests, but I have survived. I have a quick temper that I find hard to control, with a little voice attached to it that always lured me back to dipping with the promise of control. And daily I have been tested by 2 coworkers who were supposed to quit with me, but barely made it a week before failing. On the bright side, I have gained my wife's trust again! Before I quit, it was to the point that she would not randomly kiss me or kiss me when I came home. I know it sounds silly to some of you, but it really bothered me that I had lost that affection. And she felt like I didn't care enough about her or our kids to quit. We fought over dipping for many years, and it had left her scarred and untrusting when it came to me quitting. I had failed so many times in the past. Instead of picking myself up and trying again, I would hide the fact I was dipping again and act like I was still quit until I would get caught. I did this to myself, I coveted dipping more than honesty. At this point I have gained her trust again and it feels great. I have so much more to gain if I can stay focused. There are times when I want to dip and feel sad that I can never have it again, but the pride I feel for the amount of days I have been quit along with the benefits gained help to keep my thoughts and emotions balanced. It took 10 years of quitting and failing, but I have found the inner strength needed to see me through this.

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

New territory for me

I feel like I need to put this out there so that it can maybe help someone else on their path to freedom. I have been trying to quit for many years now, all ending in failure. I recently looked back on my life and realized that I was about to hit the 20th anniversary of my addiction. I had to quit, so on 5/8/12 I took my last dip. The following day I was hurting, but I could control it. I just kept telling myself "that's not me anymore, I don't do that". That worked for a few days, but my will power was fading fast. I couldn't log into here yet beause I had forgotten the password, and to make matters worse my wife and I were really getting into some horrible fights. I needed an outlet fast! I finally snapped one weekend after a huge fight. I jumped in the truck and took my rage out on the road while heading to the store. As I pulled into the store's parking lot, the 1 mile walking/running track across the street caught my eyes. It was at that moment that I had found my outlet. I bought a large bottle of water and hit that track. I walked a mile, then ran a mile, and alternated for a total of 7 miles that day. When I got back to the truck, all of my anger and desire to cave were gone. Since then I have tried to run everyday. The best way I can explain it is that the running helps to build my will power. On that 1st mile I'm hurting and ready to quit, on the 2nd the pain is gone but I'm getting tired, and by the 3rd I am exhausted. Running teaches me how to shut all of that out of my mind and focus on my goal, running 3 miles. Will power is what I was missing all the other times. The downside to my method is there is no plateau, I will constantly have to keep pushing myself in exercise just to keep the positive reinforcement it provides. I'm hoping that is can help someone on their path to freedom.

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

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rayyyy

rayyyy

 

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rayyyy

rayyyy

 

Against the odds

I decided to try again. Getting to become a professional quitter. Anyway, I have no support. Wife doesn't believe me when I tell her I have stopped because I have tried so many times before. Been trying to quit for the past 10 years. October will make 20 years of dipping for me. 20 years! That's a career, not a hobby. 13 to 33 = 20. Guy at work that I quit with has already fallen on his face. I am alone out here.

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

Day 1/24

So this is my umteenth attempt to quit this nasty habit. My old motto was "quit for forever" or at least the rest of natural life. Now after my failed attempts, I know that its not "forever", its for that moment, the one when your brain says "you need this". Hence 1/24 of a day I quit, then the next 24th I quit and on. Really short steps and eventually I'll be cruizing, hopefully.

schwinglet

schwinglet

 

Venting

Howdy ya'll, this is my first day of my fifth real attempt at quitting. In the past i have quit for up to 6 months before caving. I am hoping support from this website will help me this time. I have been chewing since i was 16, i am 31 now, I have no problem going through 2 cans a day. In the last 3 years since i met the woman who is now my wife I have been mostly nicotine free. I seem to do fine for the first several weeks or months, then I cave. It is so frustrating, after a few months you think you are done for good then you start thinking just a little wont hurt, you can quit again. Then you get sick because your body is no longer used to the nicotine so you keep doing it until you get that same enjoyment that you miss so much but it is never half as good as you remember it being. By then you are hooked again, wondering why bother quitting, if i can go for months without it but then still have uncontrollable urges. It is very discouraging and it makes quitting seem impossible. Anyway, I am trying again, with some new advice and this site to hopefully help

grovert860

grovert860

 

crave...

I have endured four days of sweating, stomach aches, lack of focus and more. Today I just finished 3 hours of raking and cleanup outside, rode my bike 10 miles and would you believe that now my body wants me to put this stuff that tastes like evil rotten silage in my mouth so my body can "enjoy it". My first serious potential cave crave. It will not happen. I am going to go read Jenny's letter.   Cheers!

oldbiker

oldbiker

 

butts from buts

This seems like a as good a place to post this as any. I sent the following to my boss as well as the other engineers, five of them in all that have been on this location in the last nine months. We have all lived in this one camp while we were here for our hitches. I am sure I know which one did it, but so will everybody else that reads it so I did not have to name the culprit.   Eric,   I had the privilege this morning of cleaning up 508 cigarette butts that were strewn from the back door of our house all the way around to our lab, which is about 50 yards away. The biggest concentration, 210, was about 5 yards away from our back door, just over the berm, in the sagebrush off location. I found another little pile about 20 yards out into the sage, 78 in this one. As if someone was enjoying a nice little stroll and a smoke in the evenings.   I was not going to mention it, just clean it up and growl, but when I got to 200 butts I was aggravated. When I got to 400 I was absolutely pissed. Whoever did this was deliberate and conscious of the mess they were making. A giant screw you to Shell, M-I, and Wyoming. I am beyond words to describe how childish and willful this act is.   I cleaned it all up, not to save some asshole from getting in trouble, but for myself, since it reflects on me and all of M-I as a bunch of pigs who are too damn lazy to pick up after our selves. the last directional company has been run off from here and the final nail in their coffin was the trashing of their camp when 632 left.   In closing, I would like to thank whoever the ass was for reaffirming my loathing of smoking and the lips that wrap around them. Your too weak to Quit and apparently too weak to carry a Butt to the garbage, sad, sad, sad.     John    

Wyoming4life

Wyoming4life

 

I am a "Blogger??"

I am on my computer filling my mind with all kinds of educational and emotional reasons why I should stay quit, and now realize I just became one of them there bloggers!

oldbiker

oldbiker

 

Week 1

Well today is Day 1 for me...Normally I put a dip in around 10 after 8 in the morning. Right after I've had that first cup of coffee...That wasnt so bad for me as of yet..The cravings for me, at this time, seem more mental than physical. I keep thinking, constantly, about the enjoyment and fulfillment I feel with it in, and how much better my performance seems to be. Things are becoming seemingly hazy though...I cant imagine what hell the rest of this day will bring...Thank god for this site..Im ready for the suck of this all...Nothing is stopping me from accomplishing this goal...This life sustaining objective that we are all here for..This is MY life...Not copenhagen's life to toy with...ITS MINE! My body needs to understand that it absolutely cannot want, or feel a requirement to have that dirty shit in order to function..My body is better, healthier, stronger, leaner, swifter, and smarter without it...I can do this...

Medicemtp

Medicemtp

 

Day 99

Day 87 to 97 were very difficult. Dealt with a lot of depression and anger, including smashing a solid wood chair. Anniversary of my mother's suicide and going to a memorial service for a good friend who hung himself did not help matters.   Daily posing really helped me stay focused on not giving in. Had trouble staying on my diet, but did not cave on my Quit. I suspect it is really good that I made it though this and can use it in the future not to go back to the DIP.   Having other guys text me when I didn't post for a few day's helped too. Knowing that I am not on my own and that other people are rooting for me really helps.   I think I am going to have to start posting weekly on the Diet page of this site too, to help prevent me from just switching one addition for the other. If I don't get the weight under control, I worry that eventually I will use that as an excuse to cave. What ever causes the addition the two are related for me. I can't let my happiness be dependent on chemistry because of nicotine, food or anything else. I must learn to accept life as it comes and just deal with things ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't make any single event bigger then it really is.   I hope these thoughts help others -- I know reading what other write has helped me!

Colin27

Colin27

 

day 8 is teh sh*t

I had an actually difficulty and unpleasant day today and managed not to use the filthy brown crap to make me feel "better." I am an addict. I cannot use that sh*t.

Doc93

Doc93

 

Ready to take the plunge.....

Hi! Just found this site tonight and I'm pretty happy about it! Tomorrow I'm going to begin sampling some of the tobacco free, nicotine free dip that I can find and begin phasing out my beloved Grizzly! I began dipping in elementary school. Third grade maybe? I didn't dip much back then, but in Junior High it became a full-time thing and continued in to college. I quit three times in my twenties for extended periods of a year or so, but always fell back in with just one more. Now I know, no "just one more" for me!   I plan to phase this down for a few weeks, more if needed, then stop totally. I dip more than most. Not proud of it, but I have to be honest with myself and all of you. I dip three cans a day! I double dip (both sides at the same time) and I pretty much dip double size too, so one dip is 1/2 a can (1/4 can per side). Six dips a day is three cans a day and about $12 or $13 a day and just under $5K a year. Crazy I know, but that's where I am. So due to the high amount I'm not even gonna try cold turkey. I'm going to try the non-dip stuff and see if that works for me. I'm gonna go to five a day for a week, then four a day for a week and so on. Reducing the size of my dip along the way and mixing in substitutes too. Once I get to a dip a day for a week or so, I'll do a full stop.   I've gotta say, I've never been one for group therapy or anything like that, but it feels very good to have found this group! Addiction runs heavily in my family. Dad was an alcoholic that smoked 5 packs of cigs a day. Uncle in AA, a few who should be, cousins who drink a 12 pack a night and dip too. So it's in the family, but I'm gonna break loose!   I plan to be active on this site and state my progress so it's out there. Kind of a taking ownership kind of thing. I'll post, I'll chat, I'll do what I can to stay in the race.   I plan to mix in some positive reinforcement like exercise, so maybe down the road I'll be stronger, have more energy, lose weight and so on and associate the better feeling with not dipping.   Honestly, my biggest concern is starting a new job soon and I don't want mood swings on the new job. I'll deal with it as it comes I suppose!   Right now I feel very good and very positive and very happy to have found this site!!!   Ready to fight the good fight!   Wish me luck!   Matthew

msw523

msw523

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