Its day two for me walking away from Copenhagen. It was really hard for me to muster up the stones to write this entry.
Feeling pretty defeated today. I feel defeated in the fact that I've been worn down by taking tobacco out of my life. I'm so dependent on it. Its like someone took my pacifier away and I'm being a baby.
I've thought about it all day, roughly every 10-15 seconds. My bottom lip is twitching.
I woke up last night 3 times thinking and dreaming about Copenhagen. I've been off of it for around 50 hours now.
I've been an asshole to everyone that has walked in my office today, I'm seeing red and I feel weak.
My exercise has increased - to the point where I was deadlifting so much weight and so many reps this morning that I looked down and my hands were covered in blood from ripping them up on the bar - I didn't even notice.
I think I might be losing my noodle a little bit. Copenhagen - you have really screwed me up.
I'm trying to drink coffee and chew gum to keep the flow of things going.
I really enjoy reading other quitters' posts on here - what people are typing feels very familiar - I feel like I know you guys.
The things that are keeping me strong are the fact that I know in my heart and soul that I need to be tougher, meaner and more longstanding than a can of tobacco. Someone typed in one of the posted articles here "JUST DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH." I've repeated that phrase over and over and over again the last 2 days. So simple, yet so profound. Many people have died because they couldn't "not put it in their mouth."
I intend to live and see my children, grow old with my wife, and have unlimited success. Dip does not fit in that family photo.
Hanging on for another day.