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Quit Smokeless Community

blake65

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    Somers, NY
  1. First, a little introduction...my name is Blake, I am 46 years old and have been using tobacco in some form since the age of 15. I started off dipping then eventually when to dipping AND smoking (many times at the same time), dabbled in cigars and chewing tobacco all the while continuing to dip. In college I quit dipping for almost a year and just smoked...then I went back to both again. Long story short: I haven't smoked in 5 years but I still dip one and a half cans a day. About 15 years ago I had to undergo a procedure to have a black spot removed from the inside of my cheek. It turned out to be benign, by the grace of God. You'd think that would be enough to scare me straight, right? Wrong. I think I started back about 6 weeks after that. Dip has caused SO much trouble between my wife and I what with all of the spilled spitcups on the furniture and carpet. She also feels as though I am choosing tobacco over her and my daughters since she feels that I don't care enough about them to quit. She asks me how would I feel if my kids had to grow up without a father. My kids have begged me to quit, my doctor said it's not a question of IF I will get oral cancer, but WHEN. I don't even want to think about how much money I've spent on this crap the past 31 years. Kodiak is almost $8 a can here in New York. That's why I had to go to a cheaper brand...and that costs $5 a can. Out of roughly 17 waking hours a day I have a dip in my mouth at least 12 of those hours, probably more. I have tried to quit countless times in my life, the most successful time I lasted 9 weeks. I have found that dip not only has a physical hold on me but a mental one as well. I associate dipping with pretty much everything I do. No matter what it is, I find that dip makes it much more enjoyable. How long do you have to have quit before that mental stronghold goes away? I find that I dip even when I'm not craving one...I just do it because I'm watching tv, driving, working outside, etc. The inside of my mouth is always wrinkly and sometimes sore. I have to switch up the sides that I dip on just to give the other side a rest from it. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. I love dipping but I hate it. I KNOW that it is going to kill me eventually. My family has hounded me for decades to stop but to no avail. I don't want to lose half of my face or my life from something that could have been avoided if I just had a little more willpower. I found this site a few years ago when I was trying to quit and I have dropped in from time to time since then. I haven't set a quit date yet but it is going to have to be soon. By the way, I am in the process of going through a divorce so my anxiety level is through the roof making me want to hold tight to tobacco even more. Not really sure why I am dropping this on you guys...maybe just to show others that they aren't the only ones stuggling with this beast. Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.
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