Jump to content
Quit Smokeless Community
Sign in to follow this  
See The Spector

The Rage Room - Stories of Anger and Fire

Recommended Posts

this one just popped into my head, what better place to share it than the rage room!

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎9‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 3:01 PM, See The Spector said:

Enjoy

no way, this shit is bad as hell!!!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
51 minutes ago, Tiger Refuge said:

Rage on.

Oh hell yes.  The rage room is back open.   THIS IS NOT A SAFE SPACE.   ANYTHING GOES

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry it has been so long since I have written.  Does it kill the "Rage Room" if I admit that I am not nearly (and I mean not nearly by a long shot) as irritable, pissy, angry, and mad at the world as I was when I first opened up this room.  Don't get me wrong, life is not all fucking butterflies and unicorns.  See I had to get one F-bomb in, but I don't use that word nearly as often.   So what the fuck happened that I am not such a much of a miserable prick any more.  It's been 343 days, and I am almost living life like a normal person.  Sure I do yell and scream at irritating technology regularly and came oh oh oh so close to smashing my Microsoft Surface into tiny pieces (probably the most powerful, non-user-friendly, overly complicated, slow moving piece of shit Microsoft as ever invented (it really really needs to be smashed into pieces).  But I digress.  What has changed?  Well time is part of it, as I have allowed more time for my brain to heal.  But I need to be really really honest.  As eluded to in part 5 of my multi-part rant, I said I was going to explore some real meds instead of me using tobacco/nicotine to help my brain feel "normal".    Seeing an addiction specialist was my first move, as after 150 days quit, I was still one miserable prick to be around and was at the end of my rope.  The combo of Welbutrin (to deal with craves, keep the brain focused, and stabilize the dopamine) has worked pretty damn well for me.  Also taking a tiny, tiny amount of Lexapro to help me keep from getting all bent about of shape about little things in life.  Do I have all the answers?  No.  Am I recommending this for others?  No.  Am I cured of all tobacco addiction?  Fuck No!    All I am is a dude trying to make it in life.  I did not want to be that angry asshole for the rest of my life.  Will I need meds for the rest of my life?  I doubt it, but for now, life is so much better, that I will say Fuck in  good way......    Fuck Yea,  I am grateful to be alive and quit. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, See The Spector said:

Sorry it has been so long since I have written.  Does it kill the "Rage Room" if I admit that I am not nearly (and I mean not nearly by a long shot) as irritable, pissy, angry, and mad at the world as I was when I first opened up this room.  Don't get me wrong, life is not all fucking butterflies and unicorns.  See I had to get one F-bomb in, but I don't use that word nearly as often.   So what the fuck happened that I am not such a much of a miserable prick any more.  It's been 343 days, and I am almost living life like a normal person.  Sure I do yell and scream at irritating technology regularly and came oh oh oh so close to smashing my Microsoft Surface into tiny pieces (probably the most powerful, non-user-friendly, overly complicated, slow moving piece of shit Microsoft as ever invented (it really really needs to be smashed into pieces).  But I digress.  What has changed?  Well time is part of it, as I have allowed more time for my brain to heal.  But I need to be really really honest.  As eluded to in part 5 of my multi-part rant, I said I was going to explore some real meds instead of me using tobacco/nicotine to help my brain feel "normal".    Seeing an addiction specialist was my first move, as after 150 days quit, I was still one miserable prick to be around and was at the end of my rope.  The combo of Welbutrin (to deal with craves, keep the brain focused, and stabilize the dopamine) has worked pretty damn well for me.  Also taking a tiny, tiny amount of Lexapro to help me keep from getting all bent about of shape about little things in life.  Do I have all the answers?  No.  Am I recommending this for others?  No.  Am I cured of all tobacco addiction?  Fuck No!    All I am is a dude trying to make it in life.  I did not want to be that angry asshole for the rest of my life.  Will I need meds for the rest of my life?  I doubt it, but for now, life is so much better, that I will say Fuck in  good way......    Fuck Yea,  I am grateful to be alive and quit. 

Bravo sir!!! The cool ass thing about quitting dip is that if you REALLY buy in, it’s ususlly just the tip of the iceberg for other changes that we may have been too scared or unwilling to make in the past. Quitting dip gives us the confidence and the realization that while we may be fucked up, there is something that WE can do about it. Yes, WEEEEEE are in control. 

To me, the Rage Room represents a place to come and just let shit hang out. Not necessarily rage, but “rage”, if you catch my drift.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My rant of the day.

By its very nature (and the nature of being a slave to addiction) dip made us all very selfish guys when we were using.  Sure we could have been kind or generous or thoughtful back then, but that was ONLY AFTER we had satisfied our number one priority - getting our fix of the poison beast.   We thought it was a good life back then, but in reality it was a shitty, selfish, wimpy way to live.  A grown fucking man being made a  neutered little lap dog by a tiny can of addictive poison.  Well.  I say FUCK THAT.  Dip can go straight to hell.  I am going to give my devotion to my family, my friends, my job, and my hobbies, and NOT to an expensive can of ground up leaves. How's that? 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a song from the 80's about the nic bitch.  Yep, I just don't need that c**t.   And yes, I CAN leave her tonight or day for that matter.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Painkiller by Judas Priest in an alto voice.  Sure why not.  These kids rock.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just doing a bit of memorializing -
 
On 5/19/2018 at 10:59 AM, Fredy said:

I have a question to veterans  sir ... I am advised bupropion at this juncture of day 29 of quit because I did have mild cravings went to a psychiatrist ......

Now am wondering as it is almost a month things will lighten up soon should I start it or wait and continue my quit as going on . 

Advice needed as am indecisive 

Fredy,  The decision of whether a medication can improve your life is highly individualized and of course is  not something that should be taken lightly.  You have already done it right and have spoke with a psychiatrist to help you better understand brain chemistry.  I was on  bupropion (150 mg) a day from about day 100 of my quit to about day 400.    I was reluctant at first to go on meds.  You know all the reasons most people don't seek mental health treatment:  was a sign of weakness, was cheating on not toughing out my quit, had a stigma of "needing meds", etc.

Points to consider.

1.  We fucked up our dopamine receptors badly by being hopped up on nicotine for years and years.  Everyone's brain heals at a different rate.  Mine took a damn long time and I am not sure it is fully healed yet.  I know my brain was constantly crying out for a dopamine "tickle" after I quit.  All I wanted to do since I could not have tobacco was to do thrill seeking activities, eat dark chocolate, have orgasms, and do strenuous exercise, as these all give that dopamine tickle to the brain.  But it was sill not enough.    Bupropion (Welbutrin) can be highly effective (and was for me) in lessening the feeling the something was "missing" from my brain chemistry.

2.  I do have other family members who are on bupropion for mental health reasons, and were never tobacco users.  Chemical imbalances in the brain often tend to be inherited or have an genetic component.   It is possible for some of us that we had a pretty significant chemical imbalance with our brains from the start.  I know I was told I had ADD/HD at a young age and was always seeking out dangerous stuff to do.  Then I found tobacco.   I was self medicating.  But I was self medicating with a poison plant that was going to cost me half of my jaw someday.  Much much better to treat a chemical imbalance with real pharmaceuticals under the eye of a MD than it is to shove poison tobacco in one's mouth.

3. No pill or med will be a magic bullet that will making quitting and staying quit "easy".   Quitting and staying quit is hard work and always will be.   You will still need to do everything you have been doing to stay quit and double down on your focus not to use tobacco.  While  bupropion can help your brain not want the dopamine tickle that nic provided, it CANNOT help with the mental association we placed with dip and life activities (driving, fishing, yard work, etc.).  Breaking that association that dip was my "friend" that was always there with me, is what you will need to keep focused on, even if you do take bupropion.   Just a reminder that dip is not a friend, it never was.  It's just a can of ground up poison leaves. 

I hope my ramblings will help you and others.  Remember I was a "scorched earth" quitter.  I was going to do anything and everything to stay quit.  Yea, I was on bupropion for about a year.  It was just another tool in my arsenal to keep quit.   I wish you luck with your decision. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I may have posted this elsewhere, but it needs to be here.  Trying to control the rage everyday, and songs like this really help.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Webinar on nicotine receptors in the brain and depression.  I find it fascinating for some reason.  Maybe because I am nicotine addict.

https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/nicotine-receptors-brain-implications-addiction-and-depression

 

 

 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's my contribution to some metal ala my fuckin favorite band of all time.

I'd also like to say fuck you big tobacco.  Tobacco is bad and addictive enough but YOU motherfuckers do whatever the fuck you can to make it more addictive. Putting fiberglass in chew to cut our lips more to get more nicotine into our bloodstream faster. Making pouches so we can chew anywhere any time. Fuck you. You don't care about anyone's life. You care about getting richer. How rich is enough?  It's never enough but I've had enough of you. Fuck you too nic bitch, you have brainwashed me for 18 years. Over half my life!  I've never not been a slave to you in my adult life. I don't know how to be normal without you. You programmed my brain to need you every waking moment. I feel like a child that just lost both his parents. I've never done this alone before and you make it so difficult to do on my own. I can never let my guard down with you. Fuck you. I'm going to find a way to go on without you. I don't know if it will eventually get easier or not but right now I'm prepared to feel like this forever if it means never going back to you.  I hate you and what you did to me for so long. My brain is struggling but my heart isn't and ohhh buddy don't fuck with a man who has his heart in something.  You win so often by killing your victims. Every fuckin day by the thousands you fucking bitch. I will not be your victim. I've gone 15 days without you. I'm a fuckin mess but I'm not giving up. 

That is all. Rant over. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Bam327 said:

Here's my contribution to some metal ala my fuckin favorite band of all time.

I'd also like to say fuck you big tobacco.  Tobacco is bad and addictive enough but YOU motherfuckers do whatever the fuck you can to make it more addictive. Putting fiberglass in chew to cut our lips more to get more nicotine into our bloodstream faster. Making pouches so we can chew anywhere any time. Fuck you. You don't care about anyone's life. You care about getting richer. How rich is enough?  It's never enough but I've had enough of you. Fuck you too nic bitch, you have brainwashed me for 18 years. Over half my life!  I've never not been a slave to you in my adult life. I don't know how to be normal without you. You programmed my brain to need you every waking moment. I feel like a child that just lost both his parents. I've never done this alone before and you make it so difficult to do on my own. I can never let my guard down with you. Fuck you. I'm going to find a way to go on without you. I don't know if it will eventually get easier or not but right now I'm prepared to feel like this forever if it means never going back to you.  I hate you and what you did to me for so long. My brain is struggling but my heart isn't and ohhh buddy don't fuck with a man who has his heart in something.  You win so often by killing your victims. Every fuckin day by the thousands you fucking bitch. I will not be your victim. I've gone 15 days without you. I'm a fuckin mess but I'm not giving up. 

That is all. Rant over. 

FUCK YEA!!!   That's a Rant.   Get fucking angry.  This is a battle for your life.  Your opponent is a fucking expert is psychological warfare, and will use every dirty trick in the book to mess with your head.  Gloves off and blade out Brent, it's gonna be a bloody battle, but I know you can win this, oh but you gotta want it so so bad.  FUCK TOBACCO!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry but I need to post another rant. We rescued a dog a couple of years ago from Alabama. He was 50 lbs and a boxer pointer mix.  Never been in a house before, significantly underweight but has a fantastic demeanor. So fast forward 2 years this big black ball of lard has settled in just fine. Up to 74 lbs and doesn't remember any of his life on the streets. He's my dog, I love dogs and wanted him. I picked him out and I take care of him. 

So today it's raining like a mother fucker. Torrential downpour. Like an inch per hour.  It's my wife's birthday and my in-laws are coming over to watch my 3 kids and the dog so we can go to dinner.  So I want to let the dog out before they come but dumb fuck won't go outside if it's raining. Like, hey asshole you used to be a stray. You lived in this and now your too big of a pussy to take a piss if it's raining?  So I grab a leash and my jacket and shoes and drag his ass out in the yard  in the pouring rain. Of course I never think to bring an umbrella. This cock sucker still won't fuckin go. I'm out there for 5 minutes and it looks like I just jumped in a lake. Still nothing. We get inside and he starts farting up a storm. I swear to God I'm going to burn something to o the ground if I have to clean up dog shit. I'm soaking wet and so fuckin pissed my ears are steaming. 

End rant

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh and I'm yelling FUCK St the top of my lungs at my dog in the pouring rain.  I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I'm a psycho and or asshole

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×