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Drake

25 years

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My story:

at 15 my friends and I got curious about tobacco.  My dad was a smoker, most of my friends parents smoked.  No one chewed tobbaco though.  We got some sKoal bandits and the rest is history.  I only chewed every once in a while and then graduated to smoking at 16.  I smoked for about 5 years and then quit after getting tired of waking up with a sore throat and no desire to smoke any more.  I did no type of nicotine until about 25 when I would occasionally have a cigar with friends.  The need for nicotine was great but smoking cigars was too smelly so I went back to dipping SKoal mint.  On and off for the past 10-14 years I would start and then quit.  Sometimes for a year or longer.  Most recently, in the past couple years I have solely used Swedish Snus which is similar to a bandit.  I don’t like that I can’t quit.  I know it’s not healthy.  This is really my only vice.  I don’t drink much any more as I approach 40 my goals have been to promote a healthier life style by eating better and exercising 5 plus days a week.  Snus seems to help me focus at work.  I can keep it in my upper lip, don’t have to spit as it’s a spotless type of tobacco but I wonder what it’s doing to my intestinal tract and my artieries.  I have gotten to the place where I despise th stuff but keep grabbing for the can day after day.  I have tried tooth picks, gum, the fake stuff, and candy, I have tried everything.  Most recently I have been reading how mindfulness can help break addiction.  So for the past week I have done some of the practices mentioned in mindfulness so that I can begin the break the enchantment I have with nicotine.  It’s made some progress, I haven’t quit yet but as I write this Christmas is tomorrow and I am planning on giving myself the best Christmas present anyone could give their self with this addiction and that’s to quit.  Most recently I have made it about a week.  Foggy headed almost the whole time and then I let my guard down and caved.  Nothing quit like failure that makes it feel impossible to quit.  I’m gonna come back here every day to update my progress and to read what some of you guys are going through.  I need something to be accountable to and the more I read the more I feel this is the right way to be accountable.  Anyone know of anything to do about the fog?  I work in a pretty demanding job in the financial industry that really requires some focus at times.  Thanks you all for any suggestions and I hope to be a success so I can post here in 100 days.  

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Drake,

Bflem, Bryan, here. I'm glad you found this site. I am 36. I was a 1-1.5 can a day user since 16 or so (well not that much at 16, but you know how quickly it progresses). I have been quit for 801 days as of today thanks largely to this site and the folks on it. This place works. It's a daily commitment to quit. Like minded folks are here to support you, and embrace the suck with you. Read on this site as much as you can. As far as the fog, others may have different input, but you just have to gut it out. it will pass. seeds, gum, working out, screaming, breaking non expensive things preferably.......all ways to cope in the beginning. find what works for you. regardless, it sucks. Just think though, you/we spent a long time poisoning our bodies. Our bodies now deserve a little time to kick our asses as they heal. Send me a pm if you want to trade digits. Text or phone call has saved many a quit. Merry Christmas to you and yours. This is a great gift you are giving them/you. See you tomorrow.

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I appreciate you responding.  It’s incredible to find people out there that care so much about this terrible addiction. Well, after a family dispute this morning I caved.  I’m not sure Christmas is the time to do this....  my wife’s side of the family are fridge masters so to keep my cool until they leave I needed to buy a can.  No one in my family knows except my dad who is now completely tobacco free now for quite some time.  I’m almost certain my wife would divorce me if she found out.  As I said not much of a drinker but after everyone made up, the men were pouring drinks which makes me want to dip that much more.  If I could somehow find a way to just sever the nicotine connection.  I wish I could think of something else rather than caving like that.  My dad says not to be hard on myself, but I am extremely hard on myself.  Close to 40 years old I don’t want the health problems past family members have had yet don’t want the fog that makes me act like a jackass either.  Almost need a desert island to go to for a few weeks. I’m gonna keep pushing.  Throwing away the can of Snus I bought earlier to reset.  Tomorrow is a new day, back to work and will be keeping to my self.

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Hey boss, don't be to hard on yourself. this addiction is terribly powerful. Just keep at it. one second, one minute, one hour at a time. those small victories turn into days, then weeks, then months. But for now focus on the short battles.

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