Hi brother, hey sistah. This will be my 4th attempt at writing an HOF speech since my 100 day quit back in May 2007. I’ve written about making sure everyone donates money to the website to ensure it is here to stay for the help of others to come. I’ve written some things about how this website nailed it for me. I could relate to its concept and get down to business. I’ve thanked quit brothers and sisters who have been here for me, listened to my crap and made me chuckle through the hardest times in my life. But as I’ve got just hours to fulfill my promise to get this out on my one year anniversary, I am going to puke out what ever comes to mind at this time. We all understand what we’re going through. If you think you are different because you’ve chewed snuff longer than anyone else then you will fail at your quit. We are all the same addicted personalities that have to admit we need help from others and we need to be open with our minds to be able to fight this god damn battle against nicotine. And to finalize this opening paragraph, it is nobodies fault but your own. You started this and you need to end this…or else you’ll be living with guilt until the day you stop moving.

It has been one full year since I quit dipping tobacco and using any form of nicotine. You might say I have also stopped lying to myself for one year as well. Or even that I have controlled my former alter ego, a nicotine addicted bastard for 365 days. It’s crazy how the mind works. You can allow your brain to take control of your body and make it do things you wouldn’t do to yourself or your family. I sure as hell know I have always known it was wrong, but I let my thumb do the cutting and fingers do the pinching no matter how much I knew I shouldn’t be doing it. I “needed” it. I could not work without it. I could not drive without it. I could not be outside without it. Crap, in a couple cases I could not eat without it. I swallowed while I worked and spit in our coffee mugs when I was at home. My wife would have to search for a mug to drink her coffee, clean it out and drink right out of it. What an asshole I was.

I had my first dip of Copenhagen when I was about 5 years old. I asked my father about it and he let me pinch some. I spit into his Styrofoam all the way to the dump. I remembered it was “hot” on my lip. And the taste, I liked it. Just thinking about Cope right now makes me miss the taste of it. You know, I too have cave dreams to this day, I even think, “Man, it be nice to throw in a chew right now.” And, again, I still miss that taste. I’m not lying to myself, I miss it. I’ll never lose that love for it. But what that nicotine did to me for half my life, shoot, for the rest of my life, is not worth what that mental state and that uncontrollable alter ego put me through everyday.

I attended a black tie wedding in New York City about four years ago. Thousands of dollars this couple put into the reception. Five course meals, wine, scotch, beer, Essex house, horse drawn carriages and my face was stuffed with Cope the whole time. You would think I’d excuse myself when the meals came so I could wash out my mouth, but since I had just minutes ago gotten up to put the dip in I was too embarrassed to leave the table again. So here I was, with my beautiful wife, eating the first two courses with dip lodged back at my wisdom teeth. I’ll never forget it. I could have waited five minutes for the food, but that alter ego made me go put some snuff in. That’s how much I thought I could not be in a social environment without dip or anywhere for that matter. That was just a prime example of my stupidity.
Yes, life is harder without it because I have lived with it and around it since I was born. How do you take something out of your life you woke up to and fell asleep to? My answer is, with the help from QS, stop using nicotine cold turkey and create an accountability with friends and family and even co-workers by being open about your addiction and tell yourself not to use nicotine for today, everyday. Eventually the need for nicotine will subside enough that you will start to erase its existence from your thoughts. The alter ego will start to cooperate too. Suddenly its powers meld into your true self and you become this new person. One who is more confident, honest and down right attractive…at least that’s what Sheriff told me. You will, and I still, have craves, but you have to believe you can go without it, that is a fact. You can live without it. You know the consequences so fight those triggers and cravings, put your hands on their heads and drown them in a shallow puddle!

I’d love to go on and talk about me, but knowing I finally feel confident that I am in control of my destiny there is no need to bring up what you already know about smokeless tobacco. Stick to your focus. Ingrain yourself into this website. Introduce yourself and read, post, read, post. Ask for help. Post roll call knowing you cannot break that promise. As time goes on and you naturally fade from your quit group make sure it is you fading not your alter ego pulling you away. You know the feeling.

Thank you, Flavius Victor for continuing and improving this website during your spare time.

Josh aka Porter