I have been trying to find a way to write this w/o out sounding to sappy or TOO real.
The truth is, until I quit tobacco, I had absolutely no idea how it would change my life.
When I was 13, I started smoking. Why at such a young age? Why not, my Mom had M.S. and was basically paralyzed, but liked to smoke, and being that her condition was neurological, smoking was pretty much all she had. So I remember at 13 when my Dad would get home from work in the afternoon's he would get a report from my Mom of how many "smokes" Danny gave her. This meaning, that I would light them and get them started for her and feed them to her. Well, if I had'nt given her any, I would lose privileges. I even got the belt once or twice for it(no bull)
I should also mention that my parents were both fundamentalists who believed in using the belt for everything. They were the one's that donated lots of cash to Jim and Tammy Baker, Pat Robertson etc...So they were looked upon by others as God fearing people with unfortunate circumstances. I developed a habit with Tobacco about a year later(pack a day, $1.25 at the "Clark" station) I lived across the street from a Deacon of the nearby church who once told my parents that he didn't blame me for smoking at such a young age because of my stressed out situation. Anyway, I smoked up into the age of 29. At 29 I was going to a Community College and was offered meth before a test. Not good! I instantly found this to be Jesus through a straw! After awhile of using meth, I quit school, and found a connection for Coke. Again, Not Good! Then to make it more fun we found out that the house we bought was totally haunted for real(this is a whole other story) But I will say I lost my house because of the coke, and not necessarily because I bought too much, but because, I had no more ambition, or desire to mow the lawn, take out trash and of course pay the mortgage. But thanks to a nice Dr, I got a prescription for Dexedrine because of my Adult "ADHD". So there I was at 29, 0n 600 mg of Wellbutrin, 75 mg of Dexedrine, 3 packs of Cigarretts a day(for real) and Coffee all day as a chaser. My wife and I barely married anymore and a kid on the way(oh yeah, I forget to bring in the infidelity) another story for another time. I was so freakin' wired, I have pictures of how pale and intense I looked. Anyway, I still new that I was a good person messed up with many addictions. My life by now was completely in the gutter, so I started my journey out of hell.....with prayer....lots of it. Looking back now, it is amazing how far people will paint themselves into a corner before they cry out for help. I started conquering these dragons(with God's help)step by step...jab by jab. The first step was to find a job and stop moving around(we moved 4 times in three years after losing the house). About six months before I moved into Prescott(where we live today), my wife and I had moved into my aunt's basement in Stillwater MN(she also helped me find work because we moved from the west side of the metro where I had quit my previous job to the east side of the metro). It was not fun, I had kid #2 on the way, and my wife would get queasy from me smoking 3 packs a day...I mean the nerve! J/K. So here is where "The Bear" enters into my life. I was actually proud of myself for making the switch. I worked my way up to about a tin every two days. Anyway, after we moved into Prescott in the Spring of 05, which I now know was a good step, perhaps the first good thing as to starting a new life, and in a small town where one need's to be accountable for their actions and also where no one cares about your past drama's from the city life. As the next couple of years transpired, a routine started to form again....still praying...I got 5 raises in one year! This allowed my wife to stay at home and raise our kids. I started to feel better about myself. I was providing for my family, I had no distractions from the old crowd, and I mean, I could tell I was really aware that I was feeling better about myself, this time it wasnt fake.....it was genuine! then last Septemeber(2007) I contacted my shrink and told him I wont be coming in to the city or needing my prescriptions for amphetamines anymore(since this was more linked to the past behavior of addiction)....the first step and jab....much easier than I thought....tired and grouchy, yes(that's the fear...oh no, you cant be tired...tired is not happy). But after about 6 mos I started to feel a lot better health wise(I dont believe anymore in medicating for life unless absolutely necessary). Then March 31st of this year I was at work, and it was around 4:00PM when I started to turn green, Influenza came a knockin at the door. I barely made it home, threw up for two days and remember having "Quit" dreams, where it was like I was talking with someone in my dream about how I promised I would have quit by now and how nasty the stuff was. Anyway, I woke up and there it was....my door, I walked right through the bastard! Then I found Q.S. one day surfing and the funny thing is, I hit the "community" button and It gave me an error message, so I figured it was a dead link. I read that front page for weeks! I tried it again around day 80 and low and behold I found it! And even though I am past my first hundered day's now, I am so happy that I quit. I have peace of mind that I made another decision that was right. I am fortunate. I look back through the last 7 years of hell and think about how stories CAN change for better or worse, it's all up to us and how we decide to look at thing's, how we view everything effects our decisions and thanks to the Q.S. site I am learning to take it one day at a time. Addiction will always be a part of my life and now I know I will not put that crap in my mouth today. P.S. Thanks KA, CZ, TR, and the Double D's for the prompts and support and also to my two wonderful boy's and my wife of 12 years! There is a God!

Dan~