100 Days ago, I vowed to my wife of 9 years that I was no longer going to chew. I threw away all the cans, cleared my office and truck of potential spitters, and threw a nicotine patch on my shoulder. It was November 4th, 2009, and we were about to elect a new president. Time for change was all I was hearing on the TV, so maybe it was time for change in my life. I was not going to dip anymore!!!

Wait…….this is quit number 413. I have been down this road before, many, many times, and the result has always been the same. I don’t even think my wife looked up from her book this time when I told her I was going to quit. A faint “That’s nice” may have been muttered, but I can’t say for sure. I have quit countless times over my 21 year battle with nicotine, but I have never stayed quit for more than a month. Sure, my wife would love for me to quit, but I have disappointed her so many times before, she just learned to not get her hopes up. Something was different about this quit.

My battle with chewing started in early high school, and by the time I was a junior in high school, my lunch breaks at school consisted me shoving food down my throat, and dipping outside with my friends for the remainder of the lunch break. How cool was my high school? We had a smoking and a chewing section where nicotine addicts could get their fix at lunch. I was addicted to skoal long cut wintergreen by the age of 15, and I had plenty of friends who would have a dip with me whenever I wanted. I would say that 75% of my friends in high school dipped, and we dipped whenever we had the chance. My two best friends growing up would meet me at the high school late at night, and we would sit on the steps of the school and just dip and bullshit. We would actually drive 15 minutes or so just so we could have a dip together. It was our bond.

I dipped all through high school, and was “lucky” to get a roommate in college who dipped. Even better, I had become friends with a bunch of guys who dipped. If I was ever short of a pinch, I could always rely on one of my brothers to hook me up. I had formed another bond with a group of addicts, and other than the cost being a little steep; there was never any talk of quitting. Snap the can and put a “fatty” in.
I graduated college, and this was the time of my first real attempt to quit. I was moving on with my life and it was time to grow up. New job, new life, and I was going to get rid of the nicotine bitch. Not so fast my friend…..she doesn’t go away that easy!!!!

I forgot that everything in my life revolved around dip, and as luck would have it, my first roommate once I got out of college dipped as well. Talk about the “Skoal Brotherhood”. We lived together for a few years and we tried to quit together several times, always with the same result…..A few beers and a trip to the convenience store and I was back at it. I needed more motivation, something to push me harder.

My best friend growing up, whom I shared many a dip with was going to quit. He and I were going to quit together, and we would push one another to give it up. We would call whenever we had a nicotine fit, and together we could make it. One of us quit and stayed quit over 9 years ago….the other is typing this speech.

I quit that day, the day I got engaged, the day I got married, the day I had my daughter, the day I had my son. I vowed to never chew again after a scare at the doctor, a scare at the dentist, a scare from a friend being told he had early stages of oral cancer, and on, and on, and on!!! One event, which I consider to be the one of the lowest points in my life, was still not enough to make me quit. That shameful moment is below….

I left the office at 11am, and was off to meet my brother-in-law and a couple of other buddies to play golf. I drove from my office with dip in mouth, spitting in a diet coke bottle the entire way. I met up with the boys, played golf, and met my wife and 2 children at the club for dinner. (If I could do this every day of my life, I would be the happiest man on earth. This is truly how I would love to spend the next 50 years of my life. Friends on the golf course, dinner with the family, go home, do it all over again.)

Dinner ended and my daughter and son wanted to ride home from the golf course with Daddy. As the kids raced to my truck, I pressed the button on my keyless remote, and my doors unlocked. The kids scrambled to get inside, and my son reached to the front of the car, grabbed what he thought was daddy’s diet coke, and took a big ole sip. “Noooooooooooooooo!” I screamed as I saw what he had done. He was 4 years old, and so scared because I had just screamed like a lunatic, and now he started to feel yucky in his belly. He proceeded to throw up right there outside my truck. How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t’ I put the cap back on the bottle? Why am I still dipping at 36 years old with a wife and 2 kids? Seriously…..you have been hiding this shit from your kids since they were born, and now you allowed your child to suffer because of your lack of will power. A complete LOSER!!! I have never in my entire life, felt like a bigger asshole than I did at that particular moment…..or at least I thought!!

He threw up a few more times before he went to bed that night, and I apologized so many times, I scared the life out of him. I hugged him so many times I think he was starting to get sore. As I kissed him goodnight, and I closed the bedroom door, I heard…..
“Daddy, I am sorry I drank your soda! I didn’t know it was going to make me sick” and tears started rolling down both of our cheeks. My son was apologizing to me for drinking my chew spit! He and his sister had no idea that daddy put that shit in his mouth all day long, and he was apologizing to me. That was the lowest point in my life, and to this day, I cry every time I think about his face and his apology.

I think the next morning I refrained from chewing. Think I even made it until after lunch before I justified why I should have another. And off I went, back to the nicotine bitch after she treated me and my family so brutally the day before.

I have been with my wife for 12 and half years and my in-laws have no idea I chewed. Many friends and acquaintances have no idea I was a dipper. I have spent countless hours sitting in bathrooms at family functions, dinner parties, New Year’s celebrations, and every other event you can think of, sneaking my dip in. How much time did I waste? I used to come home from work, eat a quick dinner, and then retreat to my office and get my half hour dip in just to unwind. How much of my kids childhood did I miss because of this addiction. It is painful to think about!

I decided to quit about 110 days ago, but I didn't find this site until the day of my quit. I was online searching for information on quiting and found QSSN. Thank God!!!!!

It is now February 11, 2009, and it has been 100 days since my last chew. My wife, who is thrilled with my new personality (much fewer mood swings) gave me a big kiss this morning, congratulated me, and bought me a card to commemorate to occasion. We are going out for dinner tomorrow night to celebrate. It was just as big of a deal for her that I quit. She is way too young to raise our two kids alone!
The last 100 days have been tough and trying, but each day is a little easier. The first week was tough, and I spent one night early on that I thought I was going to cave in the live chat area. I ran into the killer attorney and at that moment I knew what the site was all about. He told me what to expect, why using the patch was not a bad thing, as long as I could keep the garbage out of my mouth, and that I needed to utilize the site to stay quit. He wasn’t kidding! That first week I was on the site constantly, and utilized it almost every day throughout the quit. It didn’t hurt to have a group of “quitters” to lean on throughout the process.

This website is absolutely amazing. The first time I read the opening page on this site, I was hooked. I wasn’t one to post a ton on the site, but I really was very serious about roll call, and searching for some of my quit brothers. Guys like 13 under the Gun, Ravens502, Stopped, BradSart, RodeoTimer, Ready2quit, MDA, 20 year user, and Serenity Man all played a huge roll in making this happen. Tennman, who I think lost his battle with his quit was a huge motivator for me early on, and wish I could have done a little more to help him like he helped me.

I want to thank the founders of this site, and thank you to the Beyotch Slapping Freedom Fighters and everyone on this site that participated in my quit. I have all of you to thank for the rest of my life. I will continue to fight this battle one day at a time, and will continue to post and help support those quitting. Most importantly, I will not be tobacco’s bitch ever again!!!

Tim in MD