Working today, just doesn't feel right being on a fire engine without a phat nug. Still feeling sick to my stomache. I'm staying positive. Every now and then I get this strong urge to chew, it seems like it comes in waves.
I will not chew today. Say it with me.
So a month of not dipping is coming to an end. It has been most unpleasant. Not the lack of dipping - that would have been merely uncomfortable. The emotions that have been masked by relentless, aggressive tobacco use are revealing, to say the least. It is hardly an original observation that to recover from addiction requires that a person be prepared to change only one thing - everything. It is likely that tobacco will require the greatest changes of all. To that end I will take steps to effect
Writing to you guys really helps. I don't think my first blog really tells my story. I have been chewing for 20+ years. I started back in high school, a little beechnut hear and there, a little hawken (beginners chew) hear and there, somehow went with a little Copenhagen hear and there. But the one that stuck with me was skoal original fine cut. After about ten years of fine cut when I should have probably quit, I decided to change over to skoal long cut wintergreen, you know it's easier to get
Day 5 and I feel sick. I have to do this. I do not want to chew anymore. 20 years of chewing has come to and end cold turkey. Hang in there everyone. We can do this. I need help and support from you guys.
Thank you in advance.
The feeling of impending doom. That my life is out of control. Urges to break down in tears. Utter, bone tired exhaustion. Symptoms of depression, in short. Not unusual for this recovery process. 27 days today.
Well, 20 days without Copenhagen. Thats a day for every year I dipped. Don't know what happened to my day 19 post. Anyway, still in withdrawal - still think a lot about dipping. It seems that 20 days in there would be some improvement, but it is still a struggle.
An emotional day, albeit a short one - it seemed short anyway. Difficulty concentrating, feelings of inferiority and hopelessness. Some desire to dip, but mostly of the whats-the-use-might-as-well-jump variety, which are easy enough to recognize and quell, but still no fun. All in all, Im sure today was just par for the course in nicotine recovery. One more day behind me.
During my workout today, I felt, for the first time, a real sense of relief, gratitude and happiness at having been off nicotine for 17 days. Accompanying that feeling was the knowledge that if I cave, I may never again get 17 days without nicotine. Furthermore, there was the realization (hardly original, but true nonetheless) that this is as easy as its ever going to get - I may never again see 17 days, I will definitely never get 17 days as easily as Ive gotten these 17 days. And these have no
Completely spaced making an entry yesterday. Took the wife and kids to the fair on post for the 4th. That was interesting without dip, but fortunately it was a Saturday night - the one night out of the week I can eat whatever I want. I took full advantage of that while on the midway. Today Im just nursing a badly injured hamstring and taking it easy. 16 days. Im living for the day the urges subside at least to the point I can enjoy a tv show, or go for a car ride, or just basically do anything
Its really working on me today, ever since I got up. Today is two weeks quit - I would have thought it was getting better by now. But it really isnt. Just a constant craving that resists all efforts to put my mind on something else. I don't want to cave at this point - two weeks quit is two weeks I never have to go through again, and I have to quit. So Im holding on, day at a time, day at a time. God, get me through today.
Day 12 was better. Still playing head games with myself (letting my head get out ahead of my ass) and still chewing a lot of gum, but Im having periods where Im not chewing gum, not thinking about dipping, just involved in whats going on around me. Moments (just moments) when I appear to be living dip free. Every day its a little easier. Every day I add the same sentence to the end of my prayer in the morning - "God, please do not let me forget that the most important thing I do today is not put
I am still a dumbass. Day 6 is ending and I have been raging like a motherfucker. I have always had a bad temper but when I am dealing with nic withdrawal its like another switch gets flipped. Its almost like I can physically feel something in my head just tweak.
I mean crazy ass shit goes through my head. I wanted to take this bitches stupid fucking I-phone and throw it up against the wall. All because she wouldnt shut the fuck up about some retarded ap she had
I hope this sh
Still chewing gum (not nicotine gum, regular gum) like its going out of styles and very irritable. Hard to concentrate, Im difficult to be around. Only time I feel at all normal is when I work out in the afternoon. Tomorrow is day 12. Its bound to get better.
The trouble is all between my ears these last few days. Im sure the problem is that Im over the physical withdrawal, but the mental and emotional withdrawal are not going to be as easy. Lots of serious cravings, can't sit still, chewing gum like a man possessed, just a generally very empty feeling. A lot like heartbreak, "mourning" is a very appropriate term. It is a feeling of emptiness, of loss, of something missing. Very much like the feeling of the loss of a love or a serious relationship. L
Well, about to put day 9 behind me. Hard to believe that tomorrow will be ten days. I have tried to be good to myself the last ten days - relax a bit on my diet, not asking too much of myself work, just going through the motions. But the E-5 board is just around the corner, and I am by no means prepared for it. I have to start diligently working for it tomorrow. I know I should have faith and trust in god, but god does for me what I cannot do for myself. I cant ask or expect him to do what I can
Day 8 is drawing to a close. Im beginning to steel myself for what I fear is going to be a long hard road. Thats okay, I suppose. No its not, it sucks. But if I am going to get a life free of nicotine addiction, this is the only way Im going to get it. Slogging through one long, distracted, frustrating day after another until nicotine finally lets go of me. One day at a time. I have the tools, I have the support group. The eating has to stop, and Ive done a good job of managing it today. Still n
Day 7, every day is harder than the last. Developing a pretty fierce resentment towards the people who put out information on nicotine withdrawal. I dont think any of them know what the fuck they are talking about. Ive heard 24-72 hours, withdrawal is all over. Ive heard 3-5 days its all over. Ive heard symptoms peak in 3-5 days, but withdrawal can last up to a month. All I know is its 7 days now of complete abstinence and intense physical exercise, and every day sucks a little worse than the d
Beset by an urge to eat today, not surprising but distressing. I am usually so rigorously disciplined about food, stuffing crap in my face like a grazing bovine is depressing. I am so angry. I know that eating is better than dipping for now, and that I shouldn't worry about it, but I do. Anyway, tomorrow is day 7, and the start of a weekend. A weekend I am not looking forward to. I will sleep as much as I can, but sleep has been a pretty rare commodity lately. So Ill just go one day at a time wh