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My own prison

Entries in this blog

 

Ready to fight again

Well people, I am back. I stil have te problems I left with, but I have to do something. I have gotten up to 2-3 cans a day, and quitting can actually help with some of my problems. So I vow to post roll daily, and try my best to see this through. I am headstrong and stubborn with everything else, why can't I see this through? I will do this, I will fight this, I will make it this time.

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

What am I doing???

These past few years have been one cluster fuck after another, but this year has by far been the worst. On top of it all I am trying to quit something that keeps calling to me, telling me that everything will be alright and that it can help ease my pain. These past few weeks have been rough, and I either haven't had the opportunity to get get on here or were too lazy to get on here. Due to a shortage in manpower at work it has been crazy. Things are starting to settle down, but now the probl

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

Time to nut the fuck up.

I am on day 85, a major accomplishment for me. But I am about to lose it all. Marriage is still in peril and my quit along with it. I quit for my wife, to show her that I do love her and want to make her happy. But too many times now it has almost gone bad. My thoughts have been "If I lose her, what's the point in quitting? I'm not strong enough to survive quitting and losing her." I have found a way. It's time to get mad, to get pissed, to let Captain Asshole take over. I have made 85

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

Almost the end of everything as I knew it.

These past couple of weeks have been touch and go for me. I didn't want to come out and openly say it at roll calls, but I was about to lose my reasons for quitting along with a 10 year marriage. Those past weeks have been a fucking nightmare!!! But this past weekend did show promise of us getting through our issues and me keeping my quit intact. Last week was the absolute worst of it all. I was to the point of wanting to smoke. I hate smoking and everything about it! The only things that

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

Long road to glory

I have made it to day 47. I don't think I have ever been quit this long. But it hasn't been without perils and tests, but I have survived. I have a quick temper that I find hard to control, with a little voice attached to it that always lured me back to dipping with the promise of control. And daily I have been tested by 2 coworkers who were supposed to quit with me, but barely made it a week before failing. On the bright side, I have gained my wife's trust again! Before I quit, it was to

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

New territory for me

I feel like I need to put this out there so that it can maybe help someone else on their path to freedom. I have been trying to quit for many years now, all ending in failure. I recently looked back on my life and realized that I was about to hit the 20th anniversary of my addiction. I had to quit, so on 5/8/12 I took my last dip. The following day I was hurting, but I could control it. I just kept telling myself "that's not me anymore, I don't do that". That worked for a few days, but my

RajunRick

RajunRick

 

Against the odds

I decided to try again. Getting to become a professional quitter. Anyway, I have no support. Wife doesn't believe me when I tell her I have stopped because I have tried so many times before. Been trying to quit for the past 10 years. October will make 20 years of dipping for me. 20 years! That's a career, not a hobby. 13 to 33 = 20. Guy at work that I quit with has already fallen on his face. I am alone out here.

RajunRick

RajunRick

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