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I am so weak

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JJohnson19

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19 years on this wonderful stuff and I can't imagine life without it. Yes I did the New Years resolution, this time "Cold Turkey" no patches or medication. 1st day went to bed at 6:30 PM "miserable", 2nd day I was terrible to be around. Yelling at the wife and kids, no patience. Ended up going to the gas station at 7PM and life was back to normal.

 

It's funny, but when I look back at this relationship I have had with nicotine I don't remember being such a slave to it. It has been a gradual addiction and the most strongest now. I can remember running out of chew and not really freaking out. Now if I'm at a 1/4 tin left I'm at the store and can last throughout the day. How sad it is to realize that I cannot go through 1 day of life without a little ration of dirt in a can.

 

What the F*&$ is wrong with me? I can't freaking do it. I did quit 8 months in 2010-2011 but started up again in August of 2011 due to my excuse of "work stress". The way I quit was using lexapro 10 mg along with 1 or 2 21mg patches and then working down to 1 21mg patch. I hated the lexapro and tired of the patch. I felt like I was becoming addicted to the patch. So I quit the pill and patch and started back up slowly, but within 2 weeks back right where I was before I quit. I talk to people and they say "It's mind over matter", which is true, but at the same time bull s% to me right now.

 

I guess I'm reaching out on this website for some words of encouragement, which I doubt will even help, but I truly want this monkey off my back and I am tired of my dependancy on this powerful little drug.

 

Sorry for the negative vibe on this note, but I do look forward to any positive feedback.

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If you really want to be free you are going to need to get serious about quitting, stop making excuses for failure, and make a plan how to succeed. I know it's tough, I know it's hard, but you have to man up and accept the misery as punishment for 19 years of letting that crap rule your life.

 

Make a plan how to Quit, how to beat down the craves, and how to stay Quit. Herbal chew, seeds, gum, tea bags, cotten swabs, push-ups, whatever it takes to keep your fingers from putting that stuff in your mouth. With-in the first week your body is free of nicotine. The next phase is to train your mind that you don't need it. At that point it is just a bad habit and all it takes is will power, resolve, and a plan to beat it down. Sitting around stewing about it or feeling sorry for yourself will not get it done. be proactive if you feel craves coming on stop what you are doing and do something different to jolt your mind out of that rut. then go back to your original task. Do that enough times and your mind and body will become accustomed to that and not the fix it was hoping for.

 

This web site is full of great information about how to beat this addiction. Get in here, read the articles, read the HOF speeches, post up in the newest Quit group, and promise them and yourself not to use any nicotine for one day.

 

What about tomorrow? Next week? next month? OMG I can't stay quit forever. You only have to stay Quit for one day, one hour, one minute. Beat down this crave right now and you'll be a little stronger each time. Use each experience to get you through the next one.

 

Most importantly don't yell and take it out on your family. It's not their fault your in this fix. They can be your best support, but not if are an ass.

 

It's not easy, but it's not impossible either. Find what works for you. Get Quit and Stay Quit

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Hey JJ, stay the course.

 

To take a hard core, kind of paramilitary perspective of what you are going thru.... Think of a cop that must stop a heavily armed bank robber, a fire fighter climbing the stairs of a burning high-rise, or a soldier standing before the enemy. The journey you are just beginning is going to be long, hard and you are not going to look pretty trying to finish it. And more than likely, it is going to hurt - alot.

 

But you must do what must be done. No matter how hard it becomes or the fears that are clouding your head at this moment, you MUST accomplish this goal. or die.

 

The good news is simple ... you got all of your buddies here that got your back! So chase down that bank robber, we'll give you cover fire. Finish climbing the stairs into the flames, because we got the fog nozzles on you. Drop that terrorist where he stands, because we got your back.

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