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Day 1 - 3 - The range of emotions

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First let me give my reasons for quitting. 1) I know everyone in life, every now and again, takes a look back at their life and wonders how things might have been different if certain things did or didn’t occur. Well recently, I took a look back at my life thus far and one of the things that really stuck out to me was my addiction to chew. I know you can't change the past and dwelling on it doesn't get you very far either, but I thought a lot about my life and all the 'what if's'. There will always be 'what if's' in life, but I really do not want to look back on my life 20 years from now and say "what if...what if...what if, I didn't chew". I'm fine with having regrets, because I know it’s apart of life. BUT the regret of chewing tobacco and letting it control the next 20 years of my life is one regret I am not ok with.

2) My second reason I want to quit my addiction is because I'm tired of all the excuses and lies - I tell so I can get my fix. I'm a complete closet chewer. I can list all the people on one hand that know I chew tobacco and none of them are family members! It's pretty pathetic to think about all the stupid lies/excuses just to isolate myself for a chew. Honestly, I'm pretty worried I'll end up living a lonely isolated life, if I continue to chew.

Anyway, there are a few of the many reasons I have chosen to quit tobacco. A few of the interesting things I've thought about today: I still have lots of regret and a lot of anger towards myself as well. I know this will eventually wear off, but for now, I'm using it as motivation. Motivation to not go back down that deep dark path. Pretty sad that I let something take such control of my life.

I like to keep things positive so I will end with some great thoughts. After all of these years of chewing, I guess, I forgot how much can be accomplished without 'having' to chew. In my 3 days of being dip free, I've accomplished more around my place (cleaned fish tank, re-organized, etc...) than I have in the year I've lived there. With the dip, all of those things to do became secondary to my fix and eventually put off for another time. Whereas now, it's all about getting it done and keeping busy. It is definitely a nice feeling and a proud moment for me.

Looking forward to the long journey....One day at a time!

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