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DAY 1: Chips and Dips

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I am Chip.


I have no business dipping Copenhagen, but I have for 10 years to the nose.


I'm 27. I began smoking in high-school and quickly transitioned to sweet Copenhagen Long Cut and Wintergreen within the first year of trying smoking. I tried it and I've had a can within arms reach ever since (basically).


I've been in the military since 2008, and have always dipped. I have a dip can pocket on my uniform.


I have quit twice. I quit during an Army school in 2012 (which I could legitimately not have tobacco, not authorized.) This lasted about 30 days; after the school was over - I was coaching myself to not go back, I didn't make it home before I broke down and stopped at a gas station and picked up a can. It was a let down. No buzz, nothing special about it, but it didn't stop me.


I would continue to dip until mid-2014, where I tried to quit again. I was much more successful the second time. I was home with my wife and had a little more control over my life and it was my decision for dip to be thrown out of the picture.


3 months. Things were great. My health was top notch. I thought I was out of the woods... hadn't thought about having a dip in awhile. Threw it all away one night I drank a few beers and snuck out of my own house to buy a can of dip down the street (disgusted). Same story, it was a let down, but I continued on.


So here I am. Thanksgiving 2016. I'm deployed. And I now feel like its time for me to quit (again).


Something profound happened to me recently, I think. I re-watched the movie "127 Hours". I can relate to being trapped and having no control over my personal freedom and/or decisions ON THE LOWEST LEVEL. I've never had my arm pinned to a wall at the bottom of a canyon, but I've been to US ARMY SERE, and I've dipped Copenhagen for 10 years.


There is a scene in this movie where he is on this psychological see-saw where he is beginning to make the decision to leave his arm behind, or die.


I have no children, and I very much want to have children with my wife when I return from this deployment. At this point in the movie, Aaron (the main character) looks through a hazy crack in the wall and sees his unborn son, that does not exist yet. His son is a toddler, and is sitting on a couch looking back at his father, with an expression that insinuates "Dad, are you going to do something? I'll never exist if you just die."


Kind of got to me, not to mention, my sweet wife has been so patient with me over the years. Even I think its a gross habit - I mean, I wouldn't kiss me. She must really love me.


I'm ready to quit. Dipping just doesn't fit into my profile anymore. I'm ready to be a professional that does not have a weakness. I'm ready to be so incredibly mentally and physically fit that I can compete in races and lifting competitions regularly. I'm ready to be the best and most wonderful version of myself.


I've quit twice, and failed quitting twice.


I gave up dip yesterday, 27 NOV 16, and I pray God gives me the strength to hold on through these first 100 days.

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