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Malcolm94

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About Malcolm94

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  • Birthday 06/25/1961

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  1. I am just getting around to my Hall of Fame "Speech" at day 376. I wanted to wait at least a year to make sure I was actually quit. After all, I've tried quitting many times through the years. Here is the key thing that helped me quit. I hope it helps someone else. Going into a quit attempt I would of course have it in my mind that I wanted to stop chewing tobacco. So logically I would go about trying to quit. But then here is the key thing that would scew me up. After several days or a week or so a voice would start talking in my head. The voice, I thought, was me. This voice would rationalize and say things like, "ya know, you really enjoy chewing and you really don't chew all that much and anyway, what's the probability that you'll end up with cancer or some other health issue. You eat good and exercise and so you chew a little tobacco. It's no big deal. As much as you love chewing, YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO QUIT DO YOU? NO!" And I would fall off the wagon thinking I'd made a rational decision to not quit. And so, just as rational thought would cause me to want to quit, what I thought was rational thought would cause me to change my mind and give up the quit. I actually thought, I can quit anytime I want. I just don't want to quit. Then, around and around I'd go each time trying to quit and each time having that inner voice change my mind for me. AND THAT WAS THE KEY. WHEN I FINALLY REALIZED THAT VOICE WASEN'T ME. IT WAS THE ADDICTION. Going into this quit, I anticipated that inner voice finally realizing THAT WAS THE ADDICTION PLAYING TRICKS ON ME. IT WASENT ME! IT WAS THE TOBACCO BITCH TALKING! Once I realized that I could tell that voice to go to Hell...I'm QUITTING and you in my head are not the real me. The real me wants to quit Bitch so go away! It took months for that voice to go away. Months! If you ever had a bad relationship with a girl and broke up. It would be like she had a inner phone line to your head and she could call you and screw with your mind anytime she wanted without you being able to hang up. That's what the tobacco will do to you so prepare for it. Be strong...IT ISN"T YOU. ITS the ADDICTION. Plan on it happening so you can ignore it. Once I got over that hurdle it made it much easier for me to stick with it. Be strong. You will be proud of your accomplishment! You can be a warrior! Just don't punch anyone or get crazy and angry at your family during your quit. lol! Because you'll wanna believe me! Good luck to you my Quit Brother! Thank you to this site.
  2. ------------------------------ Dang, youre the ninja king. I thought I was doing pretty good hiding it from my wife for 6 years. Anyway, Just an idea. I stocked up with all sorts of candy, gum, etc, etc. I normally eat real healty but I pulled out all the stops on my quit and just went nuts stuffing my face. It helped. 77 Days into my quit and I am still eating more crap than I normally do. ALso, what helped me a lot was acknowledging very clearly that there positively WILL be a voice in my head who will talk to me and come up with completely rational "at the time," sounding reasoning as to why I really do not want to quit. Count on that voice. IT WILL APPEAR AND IT WILL AT THE TIME SOUND REASONABLE. For me, that is what finally got me to quit after trying probably 10 times before. "Learning to ignore the voice that even now is acting up and talking to me a bit. Good luck Bro. Malcolm94 ----------------------------------------------------- Count - Great to have you here! Like you, many of us have failed quits as well, me - more than I could ever recall. Your joke is something we all know. We could quit any time we want to. Staying that way for more than an hour while being asleep is another story. So I am going to give you the condensed version of my advice. I trust you will read through the earlier cafe posts, as well as the hall of fame speeches while you anticipate ground zero again. You know what you are about to go through, you have quit for a month before. I doubt you had a support system like this though. You thought "Never again". Well, a lot of us keep that in the back of our minds, but most of us don't think that way. We think, "Today, I will not dip. I will worry about tomorrow when it comes, but as for today I can and will quit" You quit for a month. Surely you can quit for one day! Anyone can, even me! Next advice I have is don't wait for 9 days to quit. If you quit today, the physical withdrawl will have been over in 9 days, and you are well into the mind game. And yes, it IS a mind game. So play the game. Start by going through the ritual that I went through, or make up your own. Just make sure it is MEMORABLE. I took the can I had and flushed every bit of that down the toilet. I watched it go down the sewey hole with a tear in my eye. I rinsed out the can and stepped on it, then tossed it in the trash. I had no need to dumpster dive because there was nothing to go after. I did the same thing for the "emergency stash" in the truck. I got through a week before finding this site. I was really looking for an enabler. Something to tell me it is ok to dip just a little bit so you won't get cancer. Well, instead I found something better. I found a group of guys that knew exactly what I was going through and that helped me get to 329 days (as of 2/4/10) without any nicotine. The consensus is do not use any nicotine replacement gum/lozenges/patches because you are still getting the nicotine in your body and it doesnt releive you of the DT's. It just makes it last a whole lot longer. Some use(d) the gum and swear by it. I hated it and wouldn't recommend it. But that is your decision. Next, tell yourself that you will not dip today. Then make that same promise to us. You can do that by posting roll call, which is just your daily promise. You will do that in a group of guys (possibly a girl or two in there too) that will reach 100 days of being dip free in the month of May. That is what we call reaching the Hall of Fame. You can get to your quit group by clicking here. Instructions for posting roll call are here. Get to know these people that are in the same level of quit that you are in. Exchange phone numbers. Really interact with them. To me, the greatest tool on this site is not information, it is accountability. I made it a point to get to know a lot of people. I also try to help anyone I can. Not only am I paying forward the help I received, but by helping others, I am reinstilling in myself the tools to stay quit. Get day one started right now! Post day 1 and mean it. PM people. Get phone numbers for the times that you are really ready to cave - I guarantee you will use them from time to time. Every time you take a dip or refuse to put one in your lip, it is a choice. You have 30 years of bad choices. Make your next choice a good one. If you quit today, you will be on day 9 on the 13th. And on that day, you will NOT look back and wish you had kept dipping. It is going to suck really bad, but it will get better. By day 9 you will notice every day getting just a little easier! See ya in the May 2010 HOF group!
  3. I have serious experience with that one. I'm a recovering alcoholic. Just so you know, quitting alcohol wasn't as tough as quitting nicotine, at least when you compare their craving "punch" power. That exact thought - that I could wait until age 80 to have a drink again - was stuck in my mind. Before you know it, that changed to age 70, then 50, then I got to the point where I said "F*** it." It took me 2 weeks to go from 80 to drunk. It took me a long time to get sober again. It's common, but quit screwing around with those thoughts. As far as I'm concerned this is and always will be just for today. Anything more and I might as well save the mental contortions and go buy a can of Cope, because my addiction will have me twisted into thinking it's good for me in no time flat. -------------------------------- THANKS SERENITYMAN: Those thoughts I had were the thoughts of someone addicted to nic. One day...everyday it is bro. Take care! Malcolm
  4. Funny. I was reading some of the posts on here. Very stressful day at work so craving some. But just reading the word "DIP" started my mouth watering. Gotta stop reading. I cant even look at the word! I thought it was actually kind of funny. Ahhhhh....man haven't had urges like this since my first week. Anyway, no worries you all. I am not going to DIP. Feeling strong. Just need to ramble my words on here sometime when I am going through some craves. Has anyone ever thought about waiting until they'er about 80 years old to start dipping again? I was thinking... well hell when I'm 80 or so what will it matter! So all I gotta do is not DIP for another 33 years!
  5. [Man I feel pissed. So irratable I cant believe it. ][/size]
  6. there is only one thing you need to do today: stay quit. Here is something written by a veteran quitter that may help: Spongebob Mantra: There is only one thing that i must accomplish today, and that is to not chew. If I get other things done today, great. But everything else has second priority for now. Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too. But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters. I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it. This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now. I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth. Stay Strong and remember we can do this - take it one day at a time, and we will worry about tomorrow tomorrow! Rodeo Timer ------------------Thank you Rodeo Timer for taking your time to post that. I appreciate it. malcolm94
  7. Hey there Jimdaddy, Don't bet on being nice around Christmas! On one of my earlier posts I told of almost taking a guy down at my towns Christmas tree recycling spot because he boxed me in with his car. Going into that great time of the year on my second quite now I seem to be once again the biggest DICK on the planet. So I guess at least you will be able to say, "well hell, at least I'm not as bad as Malcolm. " Right now, I am sitting in my work office. Why is that at almost 9pm? I am not at home because I got into a big fight with my wife. Biggest fight I've had in years. Anyway, do your quit. Try not to be as big of an asshole as me though ok. Get started. Know you will not always be thinking with a clear head. Trust me on this one. Rest assured, you will hear a voice in your head that rationalizes why you really dont want to quit. Plan on it. Just know it isn't you it's the chew talking so you can ignore it. It's great your daughter is a Rodeo Princess. I bet she's a great kid. Tell her and her baseball player brother that you will likely be nutty for awhile and you may even be a jerk to them but in the end they will get their Dad back. Good luck bro. This takes a different kind of toughness than you're used to but I know you can do it and so can I. By-the-way I'm aware I babble on here a lot but it keeps me from chewing. Right at this moment I am a bit nuts with out my can of chew. Hard to even type the word chew but strangely enough, I am not even considering dipping. Regards, Malcolm94 ------------ AARRGHH, I know this is going to suck... so I set a date a week from now. Last time I tried to quit was YEARS ago, and it sucked then, so if anything, I expect it to be worse. So, how do you keep from being a complete AH to the wife?--when she asked me "how are you doing" 57 times a day last time, it just reminded me how miserable I was. Crap, I think I went into a genuine manic episode last time, so the doctor has even offered up drugs to help wean me off the stuff. I told both the wife and the Dr. that until I WANT to stop, no one should even bother hoping. It at least made me grin to read of some other folks that have made midnight runs to the quicky-mart in the snow for a can of snuff, or impromptu dashes away from work at 2:00 in the afternoon. That monkey on my back has a tight freakin' grip. It's reassuring to hear other folks have suffered through the quit and have been able to stick with it. So, my daughter is a Rodeo Princess now (crowned on my birthday in Oct.), and my little boy lives and breathes baseball (I was a rookie coach this year)... between cowboys and hurlers, neither of them stand a chance. My Dad warned me as a kid to never get hooked on tobacco, but here I am warning my kids the same way--he had a pack a smokes in his pocket 24/7, and I have a faded circle in every pair of jeans I own (hmm, except the new pair my wife bought me for the pageant, my inspiration is going to be to keep it that way). So, my daughter grabbed my coat last night to go and feed the horses, my can chew was in it, the pipes were all froze up, so she was out there for 30 minutes, and I honestly got ticked that it took that long for her to get back in the house. How pathetic is that? (Nothing at all dramatic, trust me, but I found myself shoving my hand in the coat pocket before she even took the damn thing off.) As corny as it sounds, I need to kick the stuff to the curb and not look back. I'll count this as the first shot across the bow (Navy-type guy) and a committment to make it work this time. How the hell does a 46 yo man become a slave to a little can of processed leaves? In the mean time, I'll spend the next week trying to taper off a bit--maybe I'll get up the guts to tell my family my intentions in that amount of time before I jump in with both feet. I figure that the Christmas season will FORCE me to be nice regardless of how much of an AH I might otherwise be. Wish me luck. I'm going to need all the support I can get. Here's to hoping I'll point at this post as a first step a few months from now. Thanks for the ear. -jimdaddy
  8. Angry and depressed feeling this morning. This morning I thought...why is my wife being such bitch lately!!! I actually thought that. Then I realized it was me that was being the dick. It's like everything she does is irrating to me all of a sudden. 24 days into my quite and I'm starting to feel pissed all the time. Ahhhh shit...These are my first feelings of being depressed since starting my quite. I have tons of work to get done today and unfortunately my work involves talking to people who I have to pretend to be friendly, professional and chatty with. I just want to sit here and do nothing. Sorry for my childish rant. Just fucking venting!! SHIT SHIT SHIT By-the-way STovehead...YOU HANG IN THERE BUDDY. IF I CAN DO THIS SHIT SO YOU CAN. FIGURE IT OUT. MAKE IT HAPPEN. IT CAN BE DONE. YOU CAN QUITE. BELIEVE THAT. KNOW IT. THOSE LITTLE VOICES WE HEAR TELLING US WE DONT WANT TO QUIT ARE NOT OUR VOICES. THAT'S THE CHEW.
  9. He's one of the greatest writers of the 20th Century by many accounts yet often he was sending his manuscripts in to his publisher from his skid row rooming house. Very raw. He's no Emerson who I also love but there is something amazing about how he articulates himself. Totally useless day at work. No not useless...I DID NOT CHEW!! yaaa Sorry if my rambling on here today has irrated anyone. It helped me just kinda talking to myself a bit to get through the day. I'm gong home. No reason to stay here. Take care. Malcolm --------------------------- Never heard of him, but I notice that in 1986 Time called Bukowski a "laureate of American lowlife." What are you trying to say to me.... I'll check him out. He kind of looks like the Dos Equis most interesting man in the world guy...
  10. Pardon me again while I talk to myself on here. Malcolm now you feel like crap still but you arent sure if the reason is because you just ate a half a large bag of Cheetos and drank a large Coke or if it is because you are going through withdrawals. Maybe now it is because of both. You didnt take that nice trade opportunity in the S&P Futures. You just sat there and watched it as you stuffed your face didnt you. And lo and behold it was the best freaking trade you've seen in a week. If anyone walks in on you all youre gonna have is a dear in the headlight look as they stare down at you and your Cheetos and Coke and messy desk and all the other crap scattered all around. Since you have been Ninja you cant even tell anyone what the heck is going on now can you? Suffer in silence. You've got that bag of gummy bears in the top right drawer. Go for it. It'll go great with the Cheetos. You'll be so sick you wont even be able to think about your girlfriend Skoal Wintergreen that you recently dumped. She was a nasty bitch anyway. 20 years of here and what did I get out of the relationship anyway? Nada! Malcolm Out- --------------------------- Thanks a lot for taking the time out of your day to post that. I will keep it in mind. Regards, Malcolm ------------------------------ I couldn't help but make a comment here.....I TOTALLY understand what you are saying....I do not have a couch, but I just passed out in my chair, good thing my boss understood. I did not get CRAP done for over two weeks.....but I read this statement on the site and it is on here....but I will post it for you.....I placed it on the side of my monitor and several other places in the office and at home....It helped me not feel so bad about not doing CRAP all day.....it sorta motivated me....OK....enough of that here it is........... There is only one thing that I must accomplish today, and that is to not chew. If I get other things done today, great. But everything else has second priority for now. Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too. But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters. I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it. This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now. I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth. BOOOOO YAAAAAA!!! So take two freak'n NAPS......just keep that SHIT out of UR MOUTH!! Hope this helps.... Da SoccerPlyrNcoach!! Thanks for posting this. I am hanging tuff like New Kids on The Block. Praise God and thanks to SMC.
  11. Thanks a lot for taking the time out of your day to post that. I will keep it in mind. Regards, Malcolm ------------------------------ I couldn't help but make a comment here.....I TOTALLY understand what you are saying....I do not have a couch, but I just passed out in my chair, good thing my boss understood. I did not get CRAP done for over two weeks.....but I read this statement on the site and it is on here....but I will post it for you.....I placed it on the side of my monitor and several other places in the office and at home....It helped me not feel so bad about not doing CRAP all day.....it sorta motivated me....OK....enough of that here it is........... There is only one thing that I must accomplish today, and that is to not chew. If I get other things done today, great. But everything else has second priority for now. Soon I'll be able to focus on those other things too. But for right now, for today, this is the only thing that matters. I won't demand more of myself, and I won't get down on myself for not doing anything else if I don't get to it. This is damn damn damn hard work, and it's the most important work that I have right now. I'll be truly and sincerely proud if I meet no goals today other than keeping that crap out of my mouth. BOOOOO YAAAAAA!!! So take two freak'n NAPS......just keep that SHIT out of UR MOUTH!! Hope this helps.... Da SoccerPlyrNcoach!!
  12. Hey Holden have you ever read any Charles Bukowski? With the Dylan Thomas quote in there and some of the other stuff, I can almost guarantee you you will enjoy Bukowski. Just a thought. In the mean time I'm still getting nothing done at my office. Just went out and bought a bag of Cheetos and a large honking Coke. Downing this stuff is better than tobacco. Oh, also bought some Advil. I'll go back to being a healthy eater after a few more weeks of my quit. Malcolm94 I actually just took a nap on my couch in my office. Not getting anything done. Feel like shit... sleepy, not getting any work done. Great thing is though, I am not even considering dipping. Malcolm94 ... Nice! I totally need a couch in my office
  13. Hang in there Day 1....and excuse me while I vent for a moment. I am on day 19.....I always chewed at the office after lunch. Now I have a headache...a no chew headache and the worst is I have been unbelievably sleepy since my quit. I actually just took a nap on my couch in my office. Not getting anything done. Feel like shit... sleepy, not getting any work done. Great thing is though, I am not even considering dipping. this is my 2nd quit. First lasted about 18 months and this time it seems to be a lot easier. I was back on the junk for 9 months. Hang in there bud. We will beat this. To have less time with my great kids because I didn't mind dying because skoal was more important doesn't make a lot of sense. Malcolm94 Day 1. Mid Day Update. Kinda rough this morning. My attitude sucked but I am a little nicer at the moment. I even had it out with a credit card company. Still no dip. Praise THE LORD
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