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ballywho

I am done!

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Well, I just got freaked out again dipping behind my closed office door. A knock came, in went the swift fish-hook of a finger to pull out a huge lower mouth-guard shaped dip, sweeping it out and under my monitor, "Come on in!" like I'm not doing anything wrong in here.

 

I feel like it's wrong. I am ashamed of this habit and I am ashamed I had marked Friday as my quit date but there I was Saturday morning loading the kids in the card for a run to the gas station for a can of Kodiak. Been through 2 cans since. I have tried this so many times, always trying to pick a date I could remember for a memorable quit date - like that matters (really just a way to keep pushing it into the future). Friday was 100 days till my Dad's birthday, so I thought that would be a great gift to him - to be a 100 days quit for the man that really only wants me to be happy and healthy with my life. But I really want it for myself - something to be proud of - a "I have overcome" for my weak self-control. Addiction is in other areas of my life too. I'm a hundred pounds + overweight. I'm an addict of anything that can make me feel bad about myself - food, alcohol, tobacco, negative self-talk. I really just want to be fit and confident and proud of how I spend my time.

 

So, today 10/24/2011 is the start of my quit. Not a particularly memorable date but it will become one as the days march on. As I get the nicotine out of my system over this week, it will be excruciatingly difficult and I will want to cave. I will come up with a million excuses on why I can start over tomorrow or after this next can. I will say, "No, I am done giving myself reasons to hate myself." I will do pushups when I need to clear the fog from my head of a crave. I will go for a walk every evening and recant my success to my ever-supportive wife. I will brush my teeth multiple times a day. I will stop being disgusting to myself. I will start looking at myself in the mirror and start liking the changes I am seeing.

 

I will check in at quitsmokeless and receive help and support from my peers, who know the firm grip of nicotine addiction.

 

Thank you for being here and listening to my pledge.

 

-ballywho

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Well, I just got freaked out again dipping behind my closed office door. A knock came, in went the swift fish-hook of a finger to pull out a huge lower mouth-guard shaped dip, sweeping it out and under my monitor, "Come on in!" like I'm not doing anything wrong in here.

 

I feel like it's wrong. I am ashamed of this habit and I am ashamed I had marked Friday as my quit date but there I was Saturday morning loading the kids in the card for a run to the gas station for a can of Kodiak. Been through 2 cans since. I have tried this so many times, always trying to pick a date I could remember for a memorable quit date - like that matters (really just a way to keep pushing it into the future). Friday was 100 days till my Dad's birthday, so I thought that would be a great gift to him - to be a 100 days quit for the man that really only wants me to be happy and healthy with my life. But I really want it for myself - something to be proud of - a "I have overcome" for my weak self-control. Addiction is in other areas of my life too. I'm a hundred pounds + overweight. I'm an addict of anything that can make me feel bad about myself - food, alcohol, tobacco, negative self-talk. I really just want to be fit and confident and proud of how I spend my time.

 

So, today 10/24/2011 is the start of my quit. Not a particularly memorable date but it will become one as the days march on. As I get the nicotine out of my system over this week, it will be excruciatingly difficult and I will want to cave. I will come up with a million excuses on why I can start over tomorrow or after this next can. I will say, "No, I am done giving myself reasons to hate myself." I will do pushups when I need to clear the fog from my head of a crave. I will go for a walk every evening and recant my success to my ever-supportive wife. I will brush my teeth multiple times a day. I will stop being disgusting to myself. I will start looking at myself in the mirror and start liking the changes I am seeing.

 

I will check in at quitsmokeless and receive help and support from my peers, who know the firm grip of nicotine addiction.

 

Thank you for being here and listening to my pledge.

 

-ballywho

 

Dig in and be done with it. Find your quit group on the site and post roll call everyday. Make the committment to yourself and others on this site everyday. We you can't take any more, come to this site and spend time here til you are OK again. Get some seeds, gum, candy, etc. to keep your mouth busy. I discovered pumpkin seeds on my journey, one at a time, the shells are too soft to pack a bunch in all the time. Kills the time like crazy for me.

 

Lastly, quit for you and how ever you can. For me it was cold turkey, no nic substitutes, as I wanted to endure and really feel those first 3 shitty ass days as my reminder to never go back and endure that again.

 

You can do it.

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