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dufd45

And I'll wake up and do it again tomorrow.

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So here we are at day 107.

Alot of my story can be read in the May 2015 section under 'Meet the MaySlayers' so i will not repeat much of that.

I remember being at day 3. Wanting the sun to come up and go down as fast as possible so i could log another day. So i wouldn't have to sit and constantly look for my tin, tap my pockets trying to find it, looking around to see if there was anything i could put in my lip that would give me the same fix as my old friend could. Every so often i still find myself tap my pocket, or remember emptying my pockets from a days work and my tin would come out of one of them. Now when i do both of them i have a small chuckle that comes out, and a feeling of accomplishment. Because today was another day without a dip.
I had been thinking of quitting for years. Just like everyone has, i'll quit this day, ok that didn't work, i'll quit when we get married, when our daughter is born, etc. Many of those came and went.
Then one day, it just hit me. I had been thinking about it and talking with my wife and that morning i just said "F-It. Lets do this."
Jumping to this site and how things have went since finding it:
Like Sept 11th, everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when they first saw/heard the news.
I was substitute teaching that day, i remember it was around 10am, and I remember starting to read some of what the guys were talking about in roll call and i couldn't really figure out what the hell they were saying. All the BRAAAP, ODAAT, some NicBitch that NO ONE liked, and alot of people that had been putting catshit in their mouths for some reason.
Then i realized what it was all about and i thought, now this is what i need and i like these guys.
Right off the bat it was very helpful and i felt like i fit right in the 'Family' when guys would post right after me and say something like "I'm quitting with Duf today." That really allows a guy to feel like he is not alone when one's life is completely turned upside down with the fog, not being able to focus on anything, freaking out on everyone and everything, etc.
The biggest feeling i had right away was that i had friends that i didn't even know, but they were instantly some of my best friends, and they already knew me so well, without even knowing my first name.
With the feeling of just losing a 15 year "friend," Personally choosing to say good bye to a friend that has always been there for me when i needed, having all these individuals reach out to me, offer advice, etc helped me through the first weeks.
Reading accounts from other guys, that were speaking about exactly what i was going through, what i was thinking about all the time, the crazy thoughts, dreams, bodily functions that were/weren't functioning normally anymore, etc.
Everyone knew of them already, and i wasn't alone.
I still look forward to posting early in the morning. I still read constantly on the site. I still follow pretty much every post that happens throughout the day. What guys talk about all the time is posting daily and reading often. Even after a month, two months, three months, etc. One still needs to stick with posting/reading daily. That one crave that will allow you to cave is just around the corner waiting. If you are at a vulnerable point and don't have any backup, things may get a bit hairy. I don't like hairiness.
I will stick with the guys, and posts that have gotten me to where i am today. If I've made it this far with them, which i never thought would be possible, i can keep going again until tomorrow. Then i'll do it all again tomorrow. Day by day.
Like i said about coming to this site day one, two, three, etc. The guys kept me coming back because i knew they were right there behind me as i mentally picked up my tin and took a pinch out, they were right there to slap my hand.
I want to be there to pay that back for future chewers that want to rid themselves of the 'friend,' that as of now, as of today, i can call a 'foe.'
Some guys, like myself quit doing things that we loved only to keep our quit going. Some will return to normal, and some may not because dip and 'whatever' don't mix. That is the price that i/we need to pay in order to keep dip out of our lip. I have been at the firehouse for hours on a slow day, baseball games, turkey hunting, shingled/painted some houses, yard work, long drives, fishing, etc. ALL of which were great times to have those 'slow time, relaxing dips'. I am still somewhat early in quitting, so some of the summer stuff, bow hunting (the all day sits might be somewhat rough, but im gonna stick with it), etc haven't arrived yet. There were some times that i was out with some buddies, some dipping guys, and i started to see that i would get some pretty bad craves those times. Guess what? I haven't drank for 66 days now too. Because i don't want to put myself in those positions that bring on unneeded craves. Craves that may not have been there had i not been doing this/that.
I did not do many of those things early on because it was just too early to put myself in those positions. I needed to stay busy with other things. Things that weren't always associated with those 'good dips'.
I am back to doing most of those things and believe it or not i can function. It actually is very nice because it is one more thing i don't have to think about or remember.
Life is easier in many ways without my old friend.
It's easier without dip, and i like hanging out with all these new friends much more then my old friend, which after all these years turned out to be a big expensive, disgusting, annoying, phony.
Thank you to all of you guys, and especially this site in general. As many have said before, it is a life saver at the least.
Tonight i shall lay my head on my pillow hopefully with another full day of being free of tobacco.
Tomorrow i will wake up early again, post my promise to you all, and see what else i can get done.
I am not done. Every day is a work in progress.
Keep trudging. Hour by Hour. Day by Day.
It can be done.
Duf
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