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bakerk

100 days ago

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100 days ago I had never attempted an honest quit in 18 years. I believe I stopped once for 2 days just because my lip hurt and a few other one day breaks due to illness. Point being that i never wanted to stop, I was happy with it being part of my life and didn't know any different.

 

I started dipping in high school as a baseball player and thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Baseball, fishing, hunting etc kept the dip flowing all the way through the end of my playing career in college. After college i went straight into coaching and therefore never gave quitting a thought. After a couple of years coaching i got into personal training and bodybuilding. I even did a few competitions and was good at it. I had dedicated my life at that point to perfect nutrition, intense workouts and plenty of rest. But the can was still my vice. I would finish a shake after a great workout and then follow it up with a pinch. You would think someone who had become a health freak would want to get away from the can but nope. Never a thought.

 

The next phase of my life started when we found out we were having our first child. Bodybuilding pretty much came to a close, I got back into coaching for a steady paycheck, but there the can was right by my side. My wife (former smoker) had to quit obviously and she thought i would be stopping too. I came up with every reason not to stop and after a while she stopped bugging me about it.

 

I couldn't quit for my wife or my son. Quitting for someone else was a good reason but wasn't enough. 2 years later my daughter came along and around the same time i went from teaching at the middle school to teaching elementary P.E. A new child, young kids around me all day who were so impressionable and yet I dipped with no shame. Its against UIL rules to dip at the ballpark but I did that too.

 

Over the last year or two since my daughter was born i fell into the routine that would finally trigger my desire to quit. Everyday was the same. I would get up and probably have a dip before school started. I would have one or two during baseball practice. And then I would go the whole evening with the family having dinner, playing, watching tv, bedtime, etc with no dip. But the moment I laid the kids down to sleep I would have a beer, get a huge pinch, tune out the world and watch a movie or game. For two hours every night I ignored my wife, wouldnt answer my phone, this was my time!

 

The tipping point was when I realized that I looked forward to those two hours more than anything in the world. I had lost control of my life. I could have been working out or helping my wife around the house but no. I began to think about what quitting would be like and I was scared. That gold lid on a can of copenhagen long cut had been my friend for so long. Hell i used to collect them. I couldn't over think it or I knew i would talk myself out of it. I also knew that if I tried to finish a can and have my 'last' dip that i would wake up the next day and start again.

 

So now, around 11:30 on the night of Nov. 30 2015, i walked over to the sink and spit out my dip. More importantly i took a pristine half full can from the counter and opened it and dumped it in the trash. I could picture myself scrounging through the trash if i had just left the can in tact and thrown it away. I could see myself going to buy more if i had finished on an empty can. But this, this would be wasteful if I went back now. I just poured my friend out and decided I would defeat the addiction with pure will.

 

I will admit that it did give me a little extra urge that the movie i was watching that night had two small children attending their fathers funeral. My wife and kids were out of town that week as well and i began to not picture my life without them but their life without me. I was overcome with guilt.

 

I know i have rambled for a while here but i have been saving this up for 100 days now, if you want to quit you can. No one else can make you. They can give you the motivations you need or the 'why' as I like to call it but they can't force you to do it. Find your 'why', decide how much it means to you and imagine life without it. Everything has gotten better without the can. I still get an occasional craving and expect that I always will. But I will never go back! Thank you to all the supporters and the members of this site for the encouragement along the way. Newbies, get on the bus and get to quittin. There is no perfect day or time to quit so just do it already.

 

Here's to the next 100, ODAAT.

 

Baker

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